You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
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She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
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