singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
