in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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