she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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