btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
