I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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