you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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