I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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