Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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