Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
