Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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