You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
