i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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