1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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