I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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