dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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