That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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