awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
