Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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