I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I will die if light touches me.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Randomize
