when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
