so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
