im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
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Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
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New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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