Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
birth control should be required to get into college
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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