Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
