we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
