I will die if light touches me.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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