I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
