i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
