she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
