Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
did you just send me my own nude
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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