I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The dick lei will go down in squad history
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
