i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
