Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
