had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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