I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Alive.
So much puke
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
