I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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