dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
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headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
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I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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