I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Hippo gnu deer
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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