i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Actions speak louder than pants.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
