it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
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I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
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We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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