I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
