You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
