Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Man, jail baloney is awful.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
