i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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