smell my finger.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
