life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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