On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
