ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
