sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
