shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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