Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
