some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
