I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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