I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
