Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
