My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
