i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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