Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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