I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
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Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
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im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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