i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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