I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
