The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
