the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
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I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I did not marry a roomba.
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