Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
