soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
