It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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