Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
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We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
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I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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