I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
