You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
