did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
