It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize