you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
