We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
