Dude my mom stole all your condoms
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
