just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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