Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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