lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
