She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
