I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
